Self-esteem encompasses people’s beliefs in their own capabilities and self-worth. A sense of being cared for combined with confidence in one’s abilities makes for healthy self-esteem. Poor self-image can negative thoughts and actions at worst, and a person who feels bad about himself can feel helpless to handle life’s challenges. At the opposite extreme, an inflated ego can often cause people to act entitled and selfish. A good self-image usually starts in childhood, with the help of loving attention and support.
In the 1960s Morris Rosenberg, Nathaniel Branden and other social theorists defined healthy self-esteem as a stable sense of one’s worth, and the ability to handle challenges. A person who is depressed and has poor self-esteem may feel unable to confront challenges, especially if the first effort results in failure or setback. If he is being mistreated at school or on the job, he may take that as a sign he is not worthy of anything better and fail to work toward improving his situation. Bullies are especially adept at picking out those without a healthy self-esteem when choosing their victims.
Conversely, the person with an extreme and inflated opinion of himself usually lacks consideration and thoughtfulness toward others, and may display a sense of entitlement. Narcissistic traits in a person with this grandiose attitude result from a very high, yet unstable self-esteem, which the person strives to protect at all costs. If anything challenges the concept, he will usually react in a defensive and aggressive manner.
Either extreme is not ideal, most psychology experts agree. Healthy self-esteem allows people to show kindness and consideration to others and stand up for themselves if they are mistreated. It results from a balance of feeling valued and loved with a well-developed sense of efficacy and confidence in their abilities. Not everyone has this basic skill in their psychological repertoire. Some people are very susceptible to outside opinions and influences when forming their concept of their own worth; others shrug these off completely.
Parents can assist their children in achieving a healthy self-esteem by encouraging them to try and also to fail. Pointing out how people learn from mistakes helps the child see them as opportunities. When difficulties arise, parents can redirect patterns of negative self-talk and erroneous assumptions children have about their abilities. A positive environment, good support for effort, and involvement in activities that stress cooperation over achievement are crucial for success. As adults, people can seek help in changing negative patterns and beliefs that were not addressed during childhood.
