We are independent & ad-supported. We may earn a commission for purchases made through our links.
Advertiser Disclosure
Our website is an independent, advertising-supported platform. We provide our content free of charge to our readers, and to keep it that way, we rely on revenue generated through advertisements and affiliate partnerships. This means that when you click on certain links on our site and make a purchase, we may earn a commission. Learn more.
How We Make Money
We sustain our operations through affiliate commissions and advertising. If you click on an affiliate link and make a purchase, we may receive a commission from the merchant at no additional cost to you. We also display advertisements on our website, which help generate revenue to support our work and keep our content free for readers. Our editorial team operates independently of our advertising and affiliate partnerships to ensure that our content remains unbiased and focused on providing you with the best information and recommendations based on thorough research and honest evaluations. To remain transparent, we’ve provided a list of our current affiliate partners here.
Health

Our Promise to you

Founded in 2002, our company has been a trusted resource for readers seeking informative and engaging content. Our dedication to quality remains unwavering—and will never change. We follow a strict editorial policy, ensuring that our content is authored by highly qualified professionals and edited by subject matter experts. This guarantees that everything we publish is objective, accurate, and trustworthy.

Over the years, we've refined our approach to cover a wide range of topics, providing readers with reliable and practical advice to enhance their knowledge and skills. That's why millions of readers turn to us each year. Join us in celebrating the joy of learning, guided by standards you can trust.

How do I Stop Enabling?

Nicole Madison
By
Updated: May 17, 2024
Views: 5,149
Share

Enabling is a type of behavior that involves doing things for an addict that support his addictive behavior, even if you do not mean to do so. You may exhibit enabling behaviors because you want to help an addicted loved one or friend to feel better, behave more appropriately, or beat his addiction. Unfortunately, however, enabling often creates the opposite effect by making it easier for the addicted person to continue his behavior. Working to stop enabling can be difficult, as it requires a commitment to tough love. This means you decide to stop enabling behaviors such as making excuses for the person, lying for him, bailing him out of trouble, helping him to afford his habit, and pretending as if everything is okay.

Enabling can take many different forms; you may, for example, make excuses for an alcoholic friend, saying he's just going through a rough time. You may loan him money for food or bills, which only makes it easier for him to buy more alcohol since he doesn’t have to take care of himself. Likewise, you may bail him out of jail, clean up after him when he makes a mess or destroys something, and even lie to keep him out of trouble. You may even make idle threats to end the relationship in the hopes that the fear of losing you will give him incentive to stop drinking. While you may do such things because you care for your friend, these actions are unlikely to make him get help for his addiction.

One thing you can do to stop enabling is refuse to take responsibility for your friend's or loved one's actions. If he breaks the law and is incarcerated, do not bail him out. If he fails to show up for work or important events, don't make excuses for him. If he fails to pay his electricity or wrecks his home, you should not clean up after him or pay the bill. You may need to pay such bills if you live with the addict and his non-payment adversely affects you, but you may stop enabling him by refusing to pay for anything that is not important for your own comfort and safety.

When you want to stop enabling behavior, a big part of it is putting an end to threats you don't mean. If you make a threat and do not follow through, the addict is unlikely to believe you mean what you say next time. If you tell the addict you'll end the relationship if he does not seek help for his addiction, you'll need to be prepared to do just that. Seeking the assistance of a counselor may be helpful as well, as these professionals have experience in such situations.

Share
WiseGeek is dedicated to providing accurate and trustworthy information. We carefully select reputable sources and employ a rigorous fact-checking process to maintain the highest standards. To learn more about our commitment to accuracy, read our editorial process.
Nicole Madison
By Nicole Madison
Nicole Madison's love for learning inspires her work as a WiseGeek writer, where she focuses on topics like homeschooling, parenting, health, science, and business. Her passion for knowledge is evident in the well-researched and informative articles she authors. As a mother of four, Nicole balances work with quality family time activities such as reading, camping, and beach trips.

Editors' Picks

Discussion Comments
Nicole Madison
Nicole Madison
Nicole Madison's love for learning inspires her work as a WiseGeek writer, where she focuses on topics like...
Learn more
Share
https://www.wisegeek.net/how-do-i-stop-enabling.htm
Copy this link
WiseGeek, in your inbox

Our latest articles, guides, and more, delivered daily.

WiseGeek, in your inbox

Our latest articles, guides, and more, delivered daily.